Quote:
Originally Posted by fraiser
I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that divorce could be so devastating. But it is. I feel deeply for all here who are struggling. Don't put off the grieving process. You can't avoid it. It will chase you down until you face it. Then you have to start accepting the unacceptable.
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You just hit the nail on the head for me. I have been separated for just over 4 years (I am finally in the middle of actually filing for divorce), and I am only beginning to realize now that in my relief of getting off the crazy train of our relationship (he'd had multiple affairs, left me for another woman) I'd mistaken relief for healing. I am only now experiencing the repercussions of delayed grief- I bought into this myth that we were still friends for too long after the break, but he is not a friend. He's betrayed me over and over, both while married and after, and has caused me incredible harm in so many ways. He did not respect me, and he didn't respect me willfully so. I don't want to be "friends" with someone who has treated me that way.
I am instead trying to forge a new path of business-like co-parenting, where there is no emotional enmeshment. But that's not friends in my books.