To all my abusers,
mom, you didn't mean to hurt me, but you did. Dad, you didn't mean to ignore me but you did. You took away the chance to grow in a loving home, filled with peace, not violence. You took away the chance for me to sleep, having sweet dreams, not nightmares.
First bf, you took my virginity, you raped me. I wanted to hate you for that but I couldn't. I was just innocent, just wanting love, not rape. I forgave you and always tried to make it right, I wanted to be married to the person I lost my virginity to. I thought I loved you, that's why I thought I had to forgive you. I shouldn't have stayed with you, but you made me feel used and worthless in the eyes of god.
Cop abuser,
I was at an all time low. I had tried to commit suicide. You deserve to have punishment, for taking me at a time I felt so vulnerable. You were over 12 years older than me, and you just took advantage of me while you were in uniform. I almost could have lost my life that night.
Ex h.
You are the most despicable human being on the planet. You called me the worst things in the world that anyone could say. You hit me because of your own lies and I tried to see your cellphone. You pushed me, spat on me, enabled me to self harm, watched me almost die from alcohol and pills, told me to go ahead you ****** **** take your pills!!, I want to hate you for using me for so many years, and turning the hate on me, as though I was guilty. I am not. I tried to love you and keep our marriage together.

Its not hard to hate the abusers, but its not good for me either. I don't know what other emotion to feel, other than anger for not having the life I could have had.
I now know, I have no choice but to let go of the pain, and stop feeling the pain because of people that made wrong choices. And forgive. Its for me. Not for you. I forgive you because I will not hold onto bitterness any longer. It has taken enough of my life, almost all of it, and no more time is given to any of you in my head, in my life, I will move on without the feelings I have given to you. I take back my life. It is mine.