Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankbtl
Hi, you don't think that these problems are overshadowing the whole relationship do you? Maybe taking on a life of their own?
Do you think it might help to briefly step away from them to find that spark you had before. Just be you two together without the issues lingering either in the communication or in the back of your minds.
I'm thinking maybe just set aside a day/half a day together (agree no mention of the issues) and just enjoy being together. Perhaps do something you haven't done in a long time which you once did or just anything else "fun" that you're not used to doing. Depending on what you like/what's in your area e.g. fun fair, day trip, ice skating, boating, day at the seaside, going to a disco or a gig.
Something that's going to make you hold hands, smile together, laugh together, connect, be yourselves together, let go. And you might be able to see the parts in each other that have nothing to do with the issues, the parts that might have slipped into the background, the parts you've loved/love about each other.
It might all seem a bit strange/standoffish at first but if you can relax into it, remember how much you loved/love each other...........??
And at the end of it just talk about the positive things, maybe have some closeness or intimacy going or rather let that flow.
Of course you may still need to work through/get help with the issues but if you could intermingle that with just trying to be yourselves together??
Alison
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Alison, thanks again - you've said so much that's helpful and lovely.
The thing is, the spark has been struggling to be there and/or remain for a while ... So, it's not just issues overshadowing the relationship; it feels like juice and trust and safety in passion going out of the relationship.
And yes, so well put about making time to enjoy ourselves and each other together; I've been trying to get across to him how important that is for some time. He seems to agree and now and then we've actually got close to planning it, but it seems to never actually happen (or it gets watered down to a local walk in which nothing helpful occurs).
He just shows now and then that he's definitely here to stay and wanting to work things through for the sake of our love, and even said a couple of times lately that he believes we will "get it back" - but for so long I haven't seen him prioritise the nurturing of the "spark" when it does manage to reappear, or the things I've explained I need to help keep/rekindle that spark ...
I think he's going some deep, long, dark-time-of-the-soul thing, maybe a kind of depression or recurring dissociation ... It's just getting harder to see the man that I've loved, let alone risk my heart to reach out and try to co-create a loving, safe space with him.