I wish I had something helpful or productive to add, but I really don't. Not today, anyways. I can just relate to your plight. It's always when we need it the most, when we are at our most desperate that people desert or abandon us... at least, in my experience.

Yes, I get it. No one can make me feel a certain way unless I let them. My happiness, or lack there of, is my responsibility, and no one can fix me but me.

But.. F**K! I would if I could!! I'm lost in the darkness, and can't see my way out... I keep bumping into things... they break and I bruise... and I STILL can't find the light switch or the door... you would think someone would point a flashlight in the right direction, at least.