I congratulate you on your honesty in admitting that the past does bug you, and that it is hard to let go. So-called successful people often do live their lives in a whirl of work and outward accomplishment without ever living a truly examined life.

I don't think you need to change yourself, you just need to figure out where, in all that you are going through, is the "gold". I am convinced that there is gold in all this misery-- it's a matter of finding it.

Does that make sense to you?