So lately I've been having very rapid mood changes, from elation to serious depression. I also feel very guilty, hopeless, and paralyzed. I feel like life is one long thing to be endured, and I look forward to sleep more than anything else in life. My thoughts are all over the place, and I'm finding it hard to get organized enough to get anything done. I've been meaning to make a post about this for the past several days, but it was just too much to determine which category it belonged in and what to title it, let alone actually trying to write about the problem. I'm also hallucinating; hearing footsteps, seeing cats, smelling blood. I even heard a crystal clear voice say that my boss is evil (which he is not); I've never heard anything that clear before.

I recently started seeing a new therapist, who is also a psychiatrist. She won't prescribe for me, unfortunately, because "if I ever have severe symptoms, and she's not around, no one will be able to help me." (she is the only psychiatrist in the practice). So, she wants me to find a different pdoc for meds.

I'm thinking about calling my current pdoc who is out of state, who has handled my care for the past several years (therapist wants me to dump him because "I should see a local doc"). I just don't know if it is worth bothering him about this. It is very uncomfortable, but it is not life threatening. I see the new therapist on Friday, but I don't think I'll be able to convince her to prescribe for me.