The sacrifices that I make to keep well hurt me the most when I'm depressed. When I'm well the sacrifices are worth it and I feel free. When I'm depressed I think what is the point - I given up so much and I'm still depressed. The loneliness is pretty hard too, as is the desperation and the lack of motivation. Sleep deprivation is nasty too, especially when I start hallucinating through lack of sleep. The worst thing of all is "losing" my happy memories. There have been some relatively infrequent times when I have been really happy. When I'm depressed I lose the ability to recall the good emotions that those memories should bring.