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Old Mar 04, 2014, 07:20 AM
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A Red Panda A Red Panda is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Gallifrey
Posts: 4,166
Bronco.... if you don't ask for help, then other people will think that you don't need or want help. You can't expect someone to help you when you haven't asked for it.

Like.. if you are having a really hard time lifting something heavy, people will see that and some might offer to help - but that's because they can visually see the struggle. When it's something that's more internal, you have to ask because people cannot know what is going on inside your head unless you share that with them.

For example - I have a really hard time doing confrontations of any kind. It causes me a huge amount of anxiety. Some of my friends at work are aware of this as I've talked about it with them enough. To the point that they'll just offer me suggestions to try and help if I have to do something that will involve it. Sometimes they've even just stayed with me while I had the quick conversation - one of my friends even sat in the room with me while I made an important phone call. I did not ask for that help, but that is because I had talked with them many times about that SPECIFIC problem of mine. Those same, very kind and helpful people, are utterly unable to help me with other problems I have because I have not told them about it. If those friends were to start jumping in with everything that might concievably make me feel stressed.... well, I would be annoyed with them.

Perhaps your girlfriend doesn't want you to feel like she's infantailizing you, or controlling you. She may not want to step in and take charge over every aspect of your life because that isn't fair to her and it would lead to resentment from you. She has no way to know what you would like help with, unless you tell her.

Have you asked her why she didn't help you? You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about her, without having any input from her. None of us, you included, can say what she thinks or feels about it. She might not even know that you're upset with her about that.
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