Hey

Good question, and I do understand why it seems so hard to comprehend for anyone who hasn't lived through it.

My situation may be completely different from some, but I believe similar to many. I think many of us came from abusive backgrounds. I was beaten and swore at as a young child and until I ran away from home. By my mom, and how do you not love your mother? I even feel guilty writing this - as though I'm 'ratting her out'. If I'd had someone to turn to and she'd not been such a central figure maybe 'love' would have been too strong a word....

Anyway. I married someone who probably sensed something different in me, and lived for 21 years with all kinds of abuse. But I did love him. I still do. Being one of the majority of depressed people who overempathize with everyone and everything, I completely understand his reasoning for everything he did. I don't agree with it, but I do understand. I even feel sorry for him, because I left and caused him embarrassment and pain for the first time in his life. Seeing him in pain hurts more than I'd ever imagined.

If I could quit loving him I certainly would - my life would be a thousand times easier. The love I feel though is becoming more like of a mother for a child, so in a sense I guess I'm getting better.

I guess this probably didn't answer your question at all - I'm reading it and seeing how absurd it sounds.......

I guess I really don't know. Maybe I don't even know what 'love' is.

As to how to help someone going through this - I believe just listening is greatly appreciated. And letting her / him know that there are safe havens available. Other than that, it gets tricky...... if she still loves her mate she may shut any criticism out, yet deep down inside she's probably begging for someone to notice things aren't right.

I wish I could be of more help. This is exactly why I need to see a doctor!

Stay safe,

Polly