I just need to vent. I am so tired of the depression. I am 54 years old and have suffered with it since I was a teenager. It wasn't until I was 32 that I was diagnosed with it.
I am so tired of feeling like this. I have no energy. I force myself to get out of my apartment every day, but if I could I would just stay in it.
I have wanted to die for a long time, but I am scared to kill myself. I am afraid of the pain, and don't want to leave a mess for someone to clean up.
Suffice to say, I wish that I was never born. I didn't ask to be brought into this world. I hate this world and everything it represents. I only have one friend. There is noone else.
I have been hospitalized for suicidal thoughts 4 times. Suicide is constantly on my mind because I hate my life. I am a failure at everything that I have ever done. Relationships, jobs, etc.
I am on disability for severe depression, and pray to God every night to just let me die. Ok, I am through venting.