Look - you say that you push people away. To have the luxury of the option to push people away, you must have such people around you in the first place. Were they around you against their own will, I.e. held at gunpoint by you? Unlikely, since you sound way too meek and innocent to hold people at gunpoint habitually. So it follows that these friends were with you by their choice. If they chose to befriend you originally, they must have considered you worthy of their companionship. Can you respect their choice and not override with your "I am not worthy of friendship" line?