I believe I have struggled with depression & anxiety (& gender identity issues) since before I can remember. I recall my mother saying that I was a colicky baby & when she would try to hold me to comfort me I would become rigid. I'm now 65. I didn't become involved with the mental health system until I was in my 50's.

I grew up at a time when acknowledging that one had a mental illness was anathema. I've said, in the past, that my parents would have understood me going to prison better than they would have understood me being involuntarily committed to a psych ward! As a result, as I have also said numerous times, if denial had been blankets, I'd have been crushed by the weight... I denied, denied, denied... Everyone else could see it. But they were more than happy to pretend they didn't & I was too intimidated & closed off to acknowledge it.

I am SO tired of fighting all of this! Sometimes I feel like I just can't stand it another minute! I pray every day for ol' rosin-the-bow to make off with me. I've made 2 serious attempts of my own (plus some other downright silly ones.) I've also self-harmed to the point where I now have permanent injuries as a result. Everyone around me is still more than happy to pretend that nothing is really wrong. I'm not afraid to do the job myself. I've been to the edge enough that it no longer scares me. But I have a wife who needs me & I have to keep struggling for her sake. So I do.