Im 35 yo female. Happily married, one son. I can say we're not wealthy but we can have pretty much everything we need or want within reason. People has always told me how pretty I am, my husband is the most loving person i know, he adores me! Pretty good life right?.
My husband and I have been trying for almost 4 years to have a baby, we got pregnant with triplets two years ago only to miscarriage at 15 weeks due to an infection of the amniotic fluid, i almost lost my uterus and was sick for the next two weeks, had to have three surgeries on my uterus to remove cartilage due to the D&C.
We got back on our feet, traveled, tried to relax and the next year we got pregnant again, with a baby girl. At 10 weeks they diagnosed incompetent cervix and i had an emergency cerclage and was put to modified bed rest.
At 21 weeks one night started to feel like i was coming down with a flu, that night i could barely sleep and at 4 am started to feel contractions. We got to the hospital, got u/s, blood work and urine tests, i had an infection but they couldnt tell where it came from. At 6 pm i had miscarriaged my little angel, and almost died.
I had a septic shock with a Disseminated intravascular coagulation, was put on a coma for 5 days and i couldnt wake up for another 5 days. When i woke up i couldnt move, didnt remember anything, had a hysterectomy, and dry gangrene in my hands and feet caused by the DIC.
Spent 45 days in the hospital (christmas, new year included), two weeks after being discharged i went for the first surgery, they amputated all of my 5 left toes, and two fingers of my left hand, 6 weeks later had my second surgery to have amputated 1 toe of my right foot and remove the finger nails of two fingers of my right hand.
As you can imagine normal life at this moment is out of thevquestion, i cant even bathe myself!!!
Im feeling very blue, sad, i have lost so much even the possibility to be pregnant again.
I want to get on with my life, for my family, for my loving husband and son, but all I think is how am I going to live like this?
Am i supposed to be gratefull because after all im alive?
I dont wanna live with people staring at me, feeling sorry for me, but I DO feel sorry for me.