I revisited some painful memories of a trust issue I had here on PC when I felt betrayed by a friend.

It was a lot of reading, a lot of emotion and I have no idea why I did it but I sought it out on purpose.

Why do we seek out painful experiences? There's an alarm ringing in my head now warning trust no one-- trust no one-- NO ONE.

It's as if I needed to self-flagellate. I wonder if this is also somehow related to my friend dying. Trust and you will be betrayed and/or abandoned, by both the living and the dead.

I'm just a mess right now. That's all.