Quote:
Originally Posted by chromegirl
I have been in your shoes. I think a good deal of your struggle might have to do with control. To me, control issues and anxiety go hand in hand. I had my own epiphany when I realized that no amount of hand-wringing would cause my husband to not stray, or to stray. The choice was all his. I had NO control. Not having control is a huge relief, in many ways, because with control comes responsibility. How could you be responsible for someone else's actions? You can't.
And beyond that, I told myself that no matter what he did, be it stay faithful, or stray, I was going to be okay, NO MATTER WHAT.
Between those two things...recognizing that I did not have control, and recognizing that his actions did not change who I was as a person, that I was good and worthy no matter what, I was able to let go of a great deal of my anxiety.
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Your post really resonated with me. I truly heard you. I am very invested in control because I'm always trying to ensure that I can keep my anxiety manageable although I haven't been doing so well lately. I need to have certainty and guarantees to feel ok and you're right, that is loading a ton of responsibility onto my plate and I can't deal. I can't make him do anything and he says all the time " you can only control you, focus on that and you'll be fine." Still I do things in an effort to get certainty though I don't snoop or any of that as were almost a year out from it.
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