In the states, generic Zeldox retailed for more than 600 dollars in 2012. Lamotrigine - probably 35 bucks.

For me, there is a tremendous difference between being on heavyhitter AP's and being just on Lithium with Zyprexa prn, infrequently. I have creativity, passion, zest for life, a heightened sense of art appreciation and especially the awe of painters who know their way with color, and just overall heightened sensory awareness. And I can have orgasms, but they are a little dull. The world around me is vibrant, colorful, aesthetically and sensually pleasing, and creativity-inspiring. So, that on a medium dose of Lithium, but off Lithium it was even more so. In other words, Lithium produces, in me, some incremental changes. It does not take away the excitement and it does not make me-not-me - e.g. when I was young before all meds, I loved art, so it is a good sign for me that now I can go "wow!" when I see an amazing still life or urban landscape.

I was on heavy doses of Seroquel, Risperdal, and Zeldox/Geodon in the past, and remembering how the world was around me - well, I was going through the motions and the sun was shining, but not for me, and there was no creativity. I stopped antipsychotics when year 2013 started. Then, from end of Feb through late September 2013, I was off Lithium as well. I wrote a whole lot in 2013, and, being curious, I recently went through the files to determine when I first started writing (several people looked at the writing and said it was good, including a person whose adult child is a novelist). Well... I started writing in Jan. To me - again, in my case and of course everybody reacts differently - it proved the point that Lithium is not messing up my brain terribly to the point of making me not-me, but rather causes some adjustments, without eradicating my personality. Some of these adjustments are welcome - I don't need hospitalizations for mania, I am more organized so I hope to actually write books rather than continue generate ideas non-stop while being too sped up to develop them. Oh, and in Dec of 2012 when i was already tapering off Geodon, I started learning to make jewelry, remembering a class I took in 2006, before antipsychotics. So the timeline shows the connection between creativity suppression by antipsychotics IN ME. Also, until the fall of 2012, I was a victim of mental abuse (it took me a very long time to realize it, which, I am sure, caused frustration to people who were on here in 2011 and 2012 and plainly saw the situation for what it was, but could not get through to me). I am sure that freeing myself from that enabled me to get creative as well, but still the timeline is very clear - antipsychotics, in me, do really severe things to the brain, but Lithium doesn't. Maybe Tegretol, not being an AP, won't, either. Before trying it, though, I will ask for a lower dose of Lithium (now 900 mg).

I have a friend, Max, who tried to talk me out of taking AP's. He is a mathematician, but well read in the area of psychiatry and psychology. He was saying that for a bipolar person, it is ok to take Lithium, and Lithium does not change how the brain works in MAJOR ways, whereas AP's do. I do not have psychosis, but per the test Max applies, even having psychosis is not justification per se. "If you hear MALEVOLENT voices, then you need to take AP's, and you do not hear any voices. " I didn't listen to Max, convinced (gaslighted) by now ex husband that I was completely insane and in need of strong medications, the stronger the better.

Kay Jamison, who is bipolar and on Lithium alone, writes good books, so that is a datapoint for me that it can be done. Quite possibly there are painters, sculptors, and writers who take AP's, but due to stigma, not talk about it. I don't discount this possibility, but again, the only public example I know and trust is Kay Jamison, and she is an excellent writer. In the past, I wondered if anybody, like Jamison, manages bipolar on Lithium alone, and per the responses, for most people the answer was "no". At that time the possibility of being off AP's (I mean, here and elsewhere, off maintenance AP's and not PR) seemed like impossible but desirable future, but now I am living it and it is not bad at all, but I want even better.

Interestingly enough,

http://www.theguardian.com/technolog...-schizophrenia,

Makes exactly the same point my friend Max made in 2009, in that not all psychosis should be medicated. It depends on individual circumstances.