Bad night, I guess. I still feel guilty, though.
I know it's a medical condition, and the medicine is helping a lot comparatively. That's how I can be so sure my depression has a biological component. But... there's problems under it, none that big, but things I'm too pathetic to change. I shouldn't react to them the way I do, it's rediculous I'm so overwhelmed by them. Being stuck in sadness due to a chemical imbalance is one thing, treat it right and it clears up, life can be lived again. When there's situational, developmental, or spiritual components it's more difficult to overcome. I've never had anything enough to cause those, but I reflect someone who has. I make a big deal out of nothing.

I guess therapy could be compared to physical rehab, I need help to train my mind to think as I should. There's just so much more work to do than there ought to be with how I've grown up - needs met, parents who love me, faith in God - which of itself should be a great help, I just don't take it. I have no reason to be like this.
It's odd, too... I'm dx dysthymia, which is lifelong minor depression, rarely major episodes. But I'm also dx major depression, and have dealt with it over the last 7 years. It's not supposed to work like that, it's like I'm doing something wrong, aggravating it, holding on to it.

I feel like a pain. Maybe I'll get over it soon. It's just frustrating, last night I had my first suicidal thoughts since the hospital, which I understand is normal, my T says that will happen. They didn't go too far, but farther than I'd like.

Um... I guess that's all I have to say. Thanks everyone for caring...

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...