Quote:
Originally Posted by needarealitycheck
Yes, there is the boundary thing. I just got talking with my gp about that the other day. I've also made the mistake of bringing things up with my mother about things that had hurt me, things she had done. I can't make her forgive herself, or accept what she's done. All I can do is tell her, that I see things that happened from my perspective, and she sees things from hers. I don't know if its because of this that's bothering you, or what you shared with your mother. Forgiveness, on her part and yours will be the key. You can't change now what happened or what was shared. Just keep moving on with forgiveness. For yourself. No one can make someone else be forgiving. Take care of you.
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My intention is not so much bringing up what she's done. In the last 3 to 4 years I come to accept it and knowing what she went through before she had me I've come to the conclusion that: hurt people hurt people and until they deal with their past pains they will continue to hurt people.
I've taken a lot of steps toward forgiving her and our relationship has been great; no negative thoughts about what she has done or didn't do. But the rejection that follows me has it's roots in my childhood (whether she was a part of that or not, it is what it is), so I've got to exam it if I want to get well. Not to point fingers, but more to exam my reactions to the rejection in order to change my perspective and heal so that I don't going around hurting people because of it.
I can't change people... I've finally have a full understanding of that. But in order to change myself I've got to be honest with myself and look at some of ugly things that I've experienced to find the glitch. I just wish I would have taken more time to weigh the risk/benefit ratio of telling my mom about that aspect of my path of self-discovery: looking in the past.
Thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate it
