Because you have some dissociation, and, specifically, going numb, it is really hard to interpret the OP. On the surface, the OP shows no traces of emotional attachment to this man, but rather some purely intellectual curiosity about his ways. But maybe deep down you actually have feelings for him, and yet you dissociate, go numb, and write your report as if you were recounting a movie someone else produced. So it is hard to say anything.