Quote:
Originally Posted by chromegirl
I have been in your shoes. I think a good deal of your struggle might have to do with control. To me, control issues and anxiety go hand in hand. I had my own epiphany when I realized that no amount of hand-wringing would cause my husband to not stray, or to stray. The choice was all his. I had NO control. Not having control is a huge relief, in many ways, because with control comes responsibility. How could you be responsible for someone else's actions? You can't.
And beyond that, I told myself that no matter what he did, be it stay faithful, or stray, I was going to be okay, NO MATTER WHAT.
Between those two things...recognizing that I did not have control, and recognizing that his actions did not change who I was as a person, that I was good and worthy no matter what, I was able to let go of a great deal of my anxiety.
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I think this is good advice, in that we can only control ourselves and nothing outside of us.
I do not have anything to add as I know how it feels to be cheated on. Trust that is broken no matter how you look at it, is hard to rebuild when soemthing like this happens. In my opinion it is UP TO HIM to fix this and do everythign he can to repair the damage of the trust between you two. It is not on your shoulders to fix this and if he does nothing, I question his commitment and how serious he takes the whole thing. I don't know what he's doing, only you can say but release yourself of the burden that it's weighing so heavily on you.
For you, again, you take care of you and be independent so that no matter what he does do, you will be ok. If he makes amends and does the right thing, and you stay with him and make it through, being on your own feet, independent is still better than leaning on him and depending on him too much for your own self worth. if it doesn't work out and he messes up again or doesn't do anything to fix things, you're still better off because you're depending on yourself for your self sufficiency, worth, etc..