Hello all. I have to post this here because I must pretend I am ok everywhere else and I'm not sure how well I can pull it off right now. So excuse me if it is off topic.

As some of you know I am a teacher in a special ed school. We deal with the most aggressive students in the area. I've seen my fair share of fights. But today was the worst I've ever seen and I am having trouble. Basically I was in my classroom during the transition. I was getting my students to settle so they could start their work. I was instructing a student who wasn't supposed to be there to leave so I was distracted by her. Out of nowhere, I mean NOWHERE, on if my giant male students starts beating the **** out of another student who is supposed to be his friend. Before any of us could react he had slammed his face into the desk corner, shoved him into the bookshelf, and had him on the ground punching him in the face. My staff member shot across the room and grabbed him off but the damage was done. The other student was bleeding everywhere. Part of his nose/face was stuck on the corner of the desk.

The student needed sixty stitches in his face and will need plastic surgery. This is the most vicious attack I have ever witnessed. I am sick. The student could have died. The other student attacked him so fast there was absolutely nothing that could be done (not that I could have done anything - I'm only 5'2" and the student is at least a foot taller and 100lbs heavier). I just feel so terrible. Especially because the big student is 18 and has thus guaranteed himself a jail sentence. And he was doing so well...I'm just sick.

Exacerbated by the fact that I have been in a moderate to borderline severe depression since Saturday. I really don't know how I will react. The last time something traumatizing happened to me (car accident) I went so for down. I was in IOP at the time but now I have nothing. My therapist's first available appt is April 1 and my pdoc not until may 23rd.

I just....I just had to share with someone. I can't tell my family because they'll just say I shouldn't work at the school anymore. I hope I will be ok sooner rather than later. Thanks for listening.