hi 42zero
it certainly seems that you have nowhere to turn, but I highly encourage you to talk to your parents about what is going on in your life and how you are feeling. let them know about the pressure they are putting you under and even about how suicidal you are feeling. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome.