just need to get this out of my head; sorry if i rant and ramble and go on too much...
i really did not think i would be coming back to this...i thought i had totally convinced myself that nothing ever happened...i asked my mother how she had felt towards 'him' and she said that she just never liked him, but that it was not because of anything 'weird'- why would she bring that into a perfectly innocent question??? Despite that i felt relieved and together with reading my mother's account that she has written of when my father was desperately ill with bipolar at the same time i had realised that it was a VERY stressful situation/year and that had probably contributed to me needing to justify why my life has taken the 'route' that it has. Yet as my T pointed out yesterday I have always remembered that 1 incident as a snanpshot, or a video- clearly and in vivid detail mostly, as if i am watching it in 3rd person, except for the time between getting the dress and arriving at school. We even went over the time frame yesterday as roughly as we could and even then there is still a gap, even if it is miniscule, that i CANNOT account for. Soooo, now I have all this doubt back in my mind and NO way of either confirming or denying anything happened