I want to live, more than that I want to thrive but it feels like this depression is out to get me. Every time I get a handle on one part of it, the jerk finds a new way to get me. I feel like this thing is out to get me and won't be happy unless it kills me.

I don't want to die. I know this because last August I nearly did. I had a medical emergency that caused me to nearly bleed out internaly (not self inflicted). And the entire time i fought, clung to life, and Kept breathing. After emergency surgery and a short hospital stay I came home 10lbs lighter very weak but happy to be alive.

I still want to live, but it feels like my body is turning against me. I can't put the weight back on and have actually lost more weight. When the depression is bad I can't make myself eat or the food makes me feel so sick that it comes back up. It's almost like the depression is trying to tell me I don't deserve nourishment or health.

I am sorry for the long post. I am just so scared.