Sometimes I don't get how this attachment thing is supposed to work. I started therapy because my relationships were shallow and no one in my life really, truly knew me. I pull way back when people try to get close and I am always at an arm's length sorta speak.

Eight months into therapy something amazing is happening. I'm letting him in (s-l-o-w-l-y) and I'm learning how to be open. When I have a bad day I want to talk to him. When I'm scared I want to talk to him. When I think I've shown progress I can't wait to tell him. And so on. It's hard to make it a week between sessions and I'm fearful I am dependent. We've already spoken (ad nauseum) about my termination fears and that I worry I'm too attached. I even went to consult another T over that, but came back to my old T because he felt 'safe' after all the work I'd put in. He knows about my breach.

Sometimes I find myself torn between keeping my T at arm's length (knowing I must terminate) or going for broke and really, truly letting my T know me to the core so I can fully experience that. How much of an attachment is unhealthy? Can a dependence actually be healthy, provided boundaries are clear? I email about 3-4 times per week (at his encouragement) and he gives a quick one-line reply each time. These emails have been incredibly helpful. I can disclose something in there and then discuss it when I'm ready. In some sense it also serves to let me know he's still there (my abandonment fears have me convinced each week he's going to quit or terminate or whatever.)

Does anyone else struggle with attachment and dependence in regards to how much is healthy?