I'm so very sorry you are dealing with this. 15 was one of the roughest times for me. I know you probably hear this all the time, but your hormones really are going crazy. It made my depression all that more extreme and INTENSE. At 15, you are right in between... a child in so many ways, but taking on sooooo much responsibility that you should be considered an adult. There really should be a new category for your age group.. adolescent or teenager really doesn't do it justice.

It's such a power struggle just being that age that when you add depression, it makes an unstable world look horrifyingly off kilter. Nothing will ever right it again. I felt like I was hanging on by my fingers tips and everything was working against me to weigh me down further.

When you look to the future, and you can't see past your own pain, it looks terribly bleak. So I understand why you would be frightened... that you don't think you'll be strong enough to make it through... but keeprolling is right.

There is SO MUCH to look forward to... so much. All the pain you have gone through, and even the pain that has yet to come, will be worth it. It is difficult to keep faith in the "maybe" of it all, but it's true.

You hormones will balance out. Yes, you will be given more responsibility, but you will also, be given more control and power over your own world. Your choices will be your's. The feelings of helplessness will lessen as your opportunities increase. The more you go through, the more you know that you can and WILL survive. It makes you stronger.

The one thing that I wish some one had said to me when I was your age (struggling with depression and darkness)... find something that is just for YOU.

I don't know if you have a passion, yet... sports, reading, writing, pottery, drawing, the circus, stained glass, golfing... ANYTHING that brings you joy or even interests you, PURSUE IT. Keep it close to you. Find an outlet. Explore it.

My depression kept me closed off, so that even when I was feeling better I felt lost.

And #2 (sorry, I thought of something else)... If you can force yourself into after school activities, do it! I don't care how stupid you think it is (or the people involved), it will keep you busy and interacting with people (even if you just sit there, not participating). Your depression will go through cycles. So if you can keep yourself involved, it will be better for you. Or even volunteering... or a part-time job will help you earn money, it will look good on a future resume/college application, and give you a sense of independence and control in an out of control world.

Sorry for writing an epic. I hope some of it helped you a bit. I just wish some one had mentioned these things to me at age 15. Helped me keep focus when I could see it myself. I often got lost in the trees trying to find the forest.

Please, keep strong and keep posting!!