THIS. So very much this. Even came up with a name for it: Dominoes in a Blender. EVERY option, no matter how far-fetched. But what if this? And what if they…? I can't make a decision because everything hinges on everything else and I don't know what will happen after (but it will probably be bad). This is so stupid, and I know it. Loop loop loop in endless repetition. It's paralyzing. It's complicated by a history of manic-y decisions. No realistic thought whatsoever and let's do it today! But everything else? Not so much. The very worst is wanting two diametrically opposed and mutually exclusive things. Had a biggie a couple of years ago. It was literally impossible to have both. Desperately wanted both. It gnawed night and day for months on end. Long horrible story. I imploded.

But it's right down to the little things. Sometimes I have to leave the grocery store because I realize I've become hypnotized.(I've never actually been properly hypnotized, but strongly suspect just seeing a pocket watch would put me under, haha.) Just standing there in a numb haze of brain static. Don't even remember what I'm trying to decide. Or if that's even why I'm there. It's like a short circuit. It's exasperating. On the semi-humorous side, think on this: Ask me a question. My answer is, "It depends."

It's ironic too, because I used to work at this place that sold really good pie. I'd see people waffle waffle waffle and I'd want to scream, "It's PIE! FFS, how far wrong can you go?!"( Next time, get the other one!) I TRY to remember this. Once in awhile it works.