So that means I'll never be in a relationship then…if I like a friend more than a friend and they end up with someone else, I'm not going to still be close friends with them, if I'm even friends with them. I mean, they would clearly know I like them more than a friend, so it would be pretty cruel to just go off and date someone else without at least talking to me first in which case would probably temporarily (at least) end our friendship. I mean, he wouldn't spend time with me anymore anyway or if he did, I'd feel badly about it because I'll be blamed for him cheating (whether he does or not).

Friends are here today, gone tomorrow as well. I have to make a whole new set of friends for every phase of my life (or more often). I am always the outsider in the group so if anything bad happens, I'm the one who needs to move on whether it was my fault or not. Because they grew up together or have at least known each other for several years.

I'm getting tired of having to constantly make new friends (without getting to keep any of the old) and always being the one that doesn't belong.

I really don't want to wait forever to experience what everyone else gets to experience. I really want to just go back to the guy from before. Not like we were ever together and maybe never will be, but at least he's affectionate towards me. Or maybe the girl who likes me, except I seem to be more into guys at the moment.