I was kinda going crazy last night. Much better today. I've been thinking about it and yes you're probably all correct. I do not do this kind of stuff normally. I'm good at pushing away not admitting i actually miss you. I don't think i can do it. I mean for what? She's a therapist not my friend. Yea it hit a nerve big time! I feel horrible cause it stirred up a lot of feelings and it kind of made me angry. Yes it sux. I can't see myself saying that to her...I'm such a jerk. I feel like she's purposefully trying to push my buttons to get a reaction from me. I'm going to try and be honest next week, am kind of scared about what new discoveries i make. I grew up and aged out of foster homes. I've felt unlovable my whole life. I don't have secure relationships. I've learned people cannot be depended on. Promises are always broken. Those who are supposed to care for you don't -they hurt you instead. I know why i have issues. Change is so hard. I don't know how to be ok with it. Not ready to do this yet but I'm willing to explore it a little more. I'm afraid it's going to bring up some ugliness though. Sigh....thank you for helping me with this. I don't feel so crazy now.