I found this website that I think has some good insights into this topic. It has some religious connotations though. I can definitely see myself getting stuck in blaming myself or others and I think it's part of the process. For me, I'm starting to think having self-compassion throughout the entire recovery process is foundational. Without self-compassion, I will fall back into self-blame.

Emotional Honesty and Emotional Responsibility-codependency therapist

"Sometimes in our growth we find ourselves lashing out and being abusive. When that happens we can make amends for how we expressed ourselves - we never have to apologize for having the feelings. We cannot go from repressing our feelings and being emotionally dishonest to communicating perfectly in one step. Communicating in an appropriate way is something we learn gradually - and something we will never do perfectly every time."

"With all types of abuse, we need to own and honor our right to feel and release the grief and anger about our victimization so that we can move into a place of empowerment."

"As we become aware of how we have set ourselves up to be emotionally abused it is important not to judge and blame ourselves for behavior and attitudes that we were unconsciously empowering. If we beat ourselves up for being emotionally abused, then we are emotionally abusing ourselves."