I take meds consistently, and I sometimes struggle with it because of mental dulling and emotional flatness. But overall I'm doing better on meds than off. Zyprexa is one of the worst for weight gain. There are other options that are more weight neutral, and also may not make you feel so slowed down. Talk to your pdoc to see if there is something else you can try. It sounds like things get pretty extreme for you, pretty quickly off meds. If you know not sleeping is a trigger, maybe try to focus on regular sleep to stay stable? I hope you find something that works for you.