You are struggling very hard to work your way through a maze of darkness. The more you reveal about this ex-husband, the more it sounds like you have reason to be jumping for joy that you are not attached to him anymore. If you can just take the initial pain of the radical change this has brought into your life, you will very likely get to a point down the road where you will look back and thank heaven for this divorce.

That judge gave you sole custody for a reason. Your ex's life sounds like it is imploding. Step back from the implosion so you don't get hit with the fallout. There will be fallout. He can not help himself, never mind helping you or his son.

I watched a friend of mine try to make sure that her ex stayed as a figure in their children's lives after the divorce. (The guy was a loser drug addict, who would take his little son to crack houses.) I thought she was making a big mistake. She had nice kids and I feared for them. Well, after watching this scenario for many years, the outcome is heartbreaking. Those kids are all fouled up. My friend went on to have more children by her second husband, a good guy. Those kids are doing great.

Trying to foster closeness between a child and a father who is a complete loser is apt to do nothing at all good for the child. This man will never help you or your son. Abide by the letter of the judge's orders. (Those orders may change in the future, if this guy keeps spiraling downhill.) When your son is about 15 or 16 years old, he will decide for himself what contact he wants with his father. (And a judge will support what he wants.) For the next few years, you are in between the son and the father. Your main obligation is to protect your child.

The day will come when that father will be coming around his son to see if he can borrow his son's car. Your son needs that aggravation like he needs a hole in the head.