You're right Butterfly... part of me is sorry that I wrote this topic in the first place.

It's confliction on my part and in some ways and when memory of what has been gets fuzzy... I get frustrated with the thought that I'm depressed... that I refuse to let it define me.

I get frustrated by my social interactions... bareing in mind that I work full time and try to manage all parts of my life well when it's not hitting hard... I guess the walls go up, I grit my teeth and I do a refusal. Dealing with people who know I have depression and do act differently and in one case is hostile... despite my current state.. makes me narrow my eyes and just 'get on with it' while refusing to let them coddle me or believe me to be incapable of my job.

At the moment, that is working relatively well... I am out of the massive dip I had several months back. I still have anxiety problems and intrusive thoughts... but they are not as severe.

But... by labelling it an indulgence (and that very much not directed at any here at all!) on self reflection was denial and kidding myself (just looking back at some of my past topics... which is hard reading for me, I kinda scoff now when I read the opening post here).

So... I apologise.