I feel really guilty and shameful today. I've been trying to get a part time job lately to help support my family. Times are tight right now, but I dont have the motivation at all. I went to apply for a job earlier today that pays good money. I drove all the way there and parked in the parking lot. I sat in my car for a minute or two then I just started to cry. I was having so much anxiety about going into the building and talking to people. I knew I had to put a mask on and pretend its what I wanted. I couldn't go inside , I just sat and cried in my car. I was thinking to myself how can I do my job if I can't even take care of myself. In the morning it takes everything I have to just get out of bed and get dressed. How am I going to start working? Now I looked like a mess from crying so there's no way I can go in now. I drove back to pick my son up from his grandmas house and I had to lie about not applying. I guess I didnt have to lie but what was I going to say? " oh I didn't go in because I had a breakdown in my car and I dont know why. Its just too much to deal with and I can barely make it through the day." I dont think so. She has no idea what im going through. Now I dont know what to tell my fiance either. I dont want to lie to him too but im so embarrassed and I feel guilty for being this way.

Not sure what to do now.