I think one of the hardest things for me to establish right now is hope. I have spent years fighting depression, raising my son on my own, he is 13. I'm going to be 36 this year. I always dreamed of marriage and a family. But as the years go by, the depression gets harder to carry, and I have realized that I don't even have hope anymore in anything and it's just about too late for me to marry and have another kid.

I'm a religious person, so I know I should have hope or I lack faith.

I just feel like I'm clinging on to the desire to have faith and hope. What's going to happen when I don't even have the desire to have it anymore?

My prayers I don't even ask for the depression to be removed, but just to have something to give me some kind of hope so I don't spend every day feeling like all I gotta do is get through another day and the only reason for that is because of my son. And I feel guilty that I'm not as good as a mother to him as I should be.

I know life rarely ever turns out as anyone ever hopes and I realize that having a family with my depression probably would make it all even worse. But I don't even have the desire or energy to seek out other dreams, make any friends, date. I'm not living, I'm just existing.