I understand how you feel. I've been BP since I was 14 and didn't know it - ignorance is bliss. I cracked up a year ago and I've been trying to dig myself out of he** ever since. I'm disabled and still have not found the right combination of meds. I went from a high powered job to nothing and it sucks. Luckily my mom is a therapist so my family is pretty understanding but no one else gets it. Especially because I managed it until I was in my 40's. Best of luck and this is a great place to talk and vent.