I do the same push-pull, but I try to keep it to myself and pretend that things are fine. Because it's my own creation, things do end up being fine, but I miss the opportunity to work out what happened and why I pulled away (or pushed her away). And it can probably be confusing when I get into repair mode because I miss her (because I pulled away) when she has no idea there was any distance to begin with. So I become sort of clingy and reach out a lot to try to remind myself that she is right there and hasn't gone away. It's amazing that she is as steady as she is, because this would be a million times more difficult if she wasn't.