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Originally Posted by Frankbtl
Hi 30ish, first of all I've got to really admire your honesty and openness with both yourself and others!!
Until (if you can) "put your finger on" things that have effected you (and I'm guessing you're finding more and more?) and the way these things have effected you it can be pretty hard to tackle things, work through them and move on a little from them.
And maybe for your relationship with your mom to be really whole, genuine, authentic (?) you do both need to share the reality of your journey. It might have hurt her but at least now she's able to see things from your perspective which might have been a little different from the way she was seeing/understanding things.
If I'm right she's helped turn things around for herself and you (??) so however much it hurts then I'm guessing she would still really want to know/appreciate your view if she really cares about you. And that she's going to put aside that hurt in the interests of knowing you better and supporting you in ways she maybe couldn't before.
And you two could use this in bringing you even closer together and in strengthening your relationship. She (and you!) may find it hard at first, but it may open new doors to communication if you can carry on talking about things together.
Really pleased for you that things have improved though, although that does seem to be a lot down to your reflection, insight and real strength of character so WELL DONE!!
And as for: " I usually don’t post my own issues here just because I feel like they are so insignificant compared to what others are going through"
If they are issues to/for you they matter!!! They really do!!!! You absolutely don't have to justify whether they are or aren't significant enough!!!! Issues are issues....hurt is hurt.....pain is pain......that's all there is to it!!!! So please whatever it is, just work up that courage you have today and tell us about it, we're here for you 
Alison
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Originally Posted by kipper-bang
Dear 30ish,
Congratulations on how far you have come and all the work you have put in for yourself and your family. You know your mum would be shocked by what you said but I agree you needed to tell her everything that was affecting and upsetting you. Your mum loves you and in time she will look again at the part she played in the way you are feeling. She will slowly accept that in her own time and you should not blame yourself for how she is now feeling.
What you wrote in the blog has hit a nerve with her and she is not yet able to vocalise her feelings as well as you are able to. Kudos to you, hidden childhood emotions are hard to deal with as an adult, the emotions take you back to your childhood self and they hurt, really hurt. Maybe before you blog an issue that concerns her, you should tell her about it face to face, or phone her. Then you can blog after that.
I wish you the best on the rest of your journey to your real, authentic self, and happiness. x
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Working through them is all that I desire right now because I feel like I been in a vicious cycle over the past 20 years because of those unresolved issues. I don't think I've ever shared with my mom specifically how she's hurt me because for so many years approaching the subject always ended on a sour note. I can't blame her. I can't even imagine how hard that would be for a parent to hear. Because of that though I've had to work through those particular painful things by myself. But, she shares in her own way and she admitted at least once that I was damaged as a child. One of the reasons being that she was a damaged child who never worked through her issues. So with that I empathize. Thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement Alison
Kipper-Bang you hit the nail on the head when you said that she is not yet able to vocalize her feelings. By some of her reactions to conversations about my therapy leads me to believe she's uncomfortable with the subject of mental health period (like so many). What's puzzling though is that she
hasn't read my blog. I just told her that I was blogging anonymously to help me logically sort through what's happening to me and I would like for her to be a part of it if she chose to. I included that I would have to sort through my past but it's not to point the finger or place blame, it's to exam how I've reacted to painful situations overtime in order to learn how to react differently. I can't change the past, nor can I change people, so I can't blame people. I can only change myself. But how can I change me if I can't look at my own ugly. It would be interesting though to know what "she" heard when I said what I said. But if she doesn't bring it up, I'll be okay and I won't love her any less or resent her. Thanks for taking the time to offer encouragement.
I appreciate all the nice things both of you have said.
