I don't have a doctor I can call at the moment. I pretty much just have to tough it out until May 7th when I see the psychiatrist for the first time. I'm only now getting treatment for bipolar disorder, and the waiting list to get in to the doctor is really long.

I feel like if I were only stronger/better/wiser/etc. then I could snap out of this episode and get control over my moods. It's really hard because I feel like this is all my fault. I sometimes secretly worry that the bipolar diagnosis is a mistake and I'm really just a horrible person.

These moods are wreaking havoc on my daily functioning and my marriage. I just want to feel normal again.