​I have been sleeping a lot more than normal (for me) lately. And I am still always tired. Unmotivated. Sure- if I am asked to do something - I will tend to get the task done (I have always been a person to do what has been asked of me).

And for those of you who have seen me here and read my posts..... you may be a little surprised to hear me say that I tend to try to be very positive (or i "used to" be that way).

Today I woke up in a medium mood. Not a great mood, but not dark (what I call my depression) either. Lately, I find myself almost afraid to say I am in a good mood - as if that will tempt the darkness to attack me and put me in a very depressed mood.

So - I exist in a world of medium to dark to super dark. Never upbeat anymore. Never happy (other than a moment here or there). And even when I do have a moment of happiness - it usually is followed by a deeper sadness when the happiness fades.

It makes me wonder if I am just putting off the inevitable. That ultimately the darkness will win.

I just want to sleep. forever.