Lots of people do this i see but what is it you actually "do" that is pushing and what is you "do" that is pulling?

For example I push by trying to irritate her, being defensive, not letting her help me and I pull (away) by shutting down, being unresponsive, not letting her in, deny anything is wrong. But I also see that i try to pull her *towards* me, trying to illicit a response, in order to try to get a need met, a need that i won't admit to being there. I want her just to knowwhat it is I need, i don't feel safe asking.