It is some comfort to read posts on this topic. My mother died last year and she was emotionally abusive towards me throughout my life. I felt I really struggled as a young adult to become my own person, especially without her support. Gradually over the years as I got on with my life I forgave my mother a little bit for all the hurt she had caused but she never changed or felt any guilt for how she had behaved towards me. She had many issues I think in her own childhood that she never dealt with properly and she did tell me once that she had been sexually abused and that her parents had abandoned her as a teenager. Ironic how she did the same to me. I grieved 2 weeks before she died but on her deathbed she was really horrible to me. She said some terrible things and continued the abuse on her exit from the world. I walked out of the hospice 6 days before she passed away. I had stayed longer than I should have for my own mental health. When I left I felt nothing. It was as if all the grief I had felt had been wiped out by all the anger I was currently feeling. The following week when she died was really odd as I didn't cry at all. My inability to grieve since has worried me as it doesn't feel normal but I don't think I will grieve for her now. I am still trying to come to terms with it all somehow.

I agree with those who say it is not your usual grief and it does feel very isolating.