I thought I was doing so well off my meds. I struggle with routines, so taking meds drops off the list sometimes. This time I just seems to be doing so much better that I just never refilled my prescription.

Then my uncle passed and I was numb to it. I rationalized it by saying that I didn't know him well. Which is true but I did know him. Then my friends cousin, who I knew a little, committed suicide. This made me take a look at what was going on around me.

I had no energy to get out of the house, I couldn't stay on task at work, the kitchen (and well the whole rest of my house) look so bad. I had issues staying on topic in conversations. All symptoms of the way i get when I let things get bad.

i have to take responsibility for this. I do because I'm the one who knows she needs her pills and knows that I will be on them for life. I know they make me function more normally.

Luckily I was on day six of my meds when my boss talked to me yesterday about my internet and iPad usage (which tends to be where I go when I can't stay on task at work). My meds are helping enough to keep me stable. I can fight back my urges to go off the rails. My mood is better. I see things again. I can't go off my meds again. this is nuts.

I think the next step for me is to find a therapist. Something I didn't think I needed but am starting to see would be a good think. My mental issues aren't going to go away. I need to learn how to work with them. because the fact is I have mental issues.



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