Thought I was doing better this week. Until today, when I had to drive back to my apartment three times to get stuff I've forgotten.

Frustrated at the world (except this site) because it seems that everyone believes that low self-esteem is a good thing: that it makes you work harder and stay humble. My low self-esteem is making it extremely hard to find a new job -- I cannot bring myself to ask for references or favors in order to apply for the freaking jobs. And then the world tells me that the problem is that I have too much self-esteem: that the real reason I have a problem getting a job is because I'm too "entitled". Because I don't try hard enough.

And maybe they're right. The truth is I am not trying hard enough. I want an easy job that I don't have to pay much attention to so I can escape into my imagination because it's the only place where I won't be constantly scolded or criticized. I know that's not fair to my employers, but it's too much to ask for me to give up the one thing that makes me happy.