Quote:
Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
Yeah, there's that, but I get Yearning on this one. I'm generally pretty therapy positive and don't have a lot of shame about going. But I see my T outside of session (not deliberately but for eg walking on the street, at the store) often because we live very close to one another and I often get this terrible vulnerable feeling when I see her. She knows all my needy, gross, infantile feelings. I would also find it hard to feel competent at a meeting if she were there. Not because therapy itself is shameful but because I need to able to shut off the feelings of shame that come up in therapy so I can function in the rest of my life.
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Definitely this. Like if I saw current T somewhere, it would probably make me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, but with a past T, I ran into her a few times over the four years we saw each other and I didn't mind because our sessions really felt more like social visits to me a lot of the time; we would sit and chat about the books she was reading or I would tell her about school and we never got to do any real work, ergo no vulnerability.
But with this situation - it's that someone who I don't know well but who I see a lot knows this part of me that is maybe shameful or maybe just incredibly private. And also that maybe I'm embarrassed for not knowing it was her...but how could I have known it was her? I didn't know her last name and we've never sat down and had a discussion; we've only ever really spoken in passing and she's never mentioned that she is also a T. But I guess it's just not knowing how to act around her now...
I know, the best advice is "act normal," but what if she doesn't, or what if I can't because my discomfort is so strong?