I do this, but I realize that even when I pull back, it's because I really want T (or whoever else) to follow me and meet me where I am. I realize that when I pull away, that's when I need people the most, which can be confusing for other people who see me pulling back from them and think that's actually what I want, when what I really need is for them to come closer. When I'm being angry and withdrawn, that's when I need the most reassurance and care and gentleness and support. It's contradictory, because my way of trying to get my needs met is to act in ways that are the least likely ways to get my needs met.

T calls this "miscuing" people (attachment term, apparently), but I don't think she actually sees that I do this with her too.