My default position when depressed is to feel numb. I don''t think I can help it that is always how it has been. I don't feel sad or angry. Inside I can actually feel really content as weird as that sounds. Feeling totally hopeless is another story. That causes me pain. It has always been cyclic so I always new it would end in a two or three weeks. I could be content knowing it would be over. In recent years it has gotten worse and lasts much much longer. I have gotten much more hopeless. What it has taken from me has caused enormous pain.