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Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic
Willow this may be rude of me to ask but I'm wondering do you ever feel happy or satisfied when you get something that you want? I'm just thinking of ECT at one point you really wanted it and then you changed your mind and it was forced on you but it stopped the voices which is also something you wanted. Now you get the therapy that you've always wanted but you don't want to cooperate with the therapist...so that's my question do you stop and be thankful when you do get something good? I'm just wondering because some people don't feel they deserve good things and it blocks their ability to enjoy them...this is often one of the underlying negative cognitions with depression. Anyway you don't have to answer but I just wanted you to know that I think you deserve good things and happiness and that you are a good person.
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Not rude at all Sometimes! I always appreciate getting a different perspective! I read this before I went to sleep and have been thinking about it today to see if it resonated with me. I do think that I'm bad and don't deserve good things, but I also want to get better so that I can work and stop feeling bad about being on benefits (and get the Govt & CMHT to leave me alone).
ECT was complicated. I didn't want to have it but agreed because I was desperate and told it was my only chance to get better. Then I developed a delusion that it was going to kill me. I didn't mind that because I was suicidal, but then they moved up the dates because I was hospitalised and I wanted to say goodbye to my brother who was away at Uni before I died, so I refused. Then they did it anyway. Everyone told me that it was helping me and I should continue, even the dr who assessed my capacity and ruled that I was capable of refusing, so I agreed, but then the pdocs decided I wasn't depressed and couldn't have it. So it wasn't a case of me not wanting/deserving to get better and refusing, and then only agreeing to it because they'd already said no.
About the psychologist: I've always wanted therapy, but I've years of experience of being let down, so I find it hard to open up in general. However, because I know that therapy is my only chance of having a 'normal' life, I really want to do it BUT I cannot trust this guy because he is affiliated with the very pdocs/hospital/CMHT that (incorrectly IMO) took away my diagnoses, dismissed and discredited me for monetary gain cos they're in the Govt's pockets. This is the only reason they would BS me with nonsense (that with 5yrs of medschool I can see for the BS it is) and make out I'm faking. If this psychologist is working with them, then he thinks I'm faking and so isn't going to believe me when I talk about my paranoia/anxiety, is he?! He's just going to think I'm trying to manipulate him, which is most likely to get me a PD diagnosis, if I don't already have one! What I want is an impartial T who is not affiliated with the CMHT I distrust, but I can't afford a private T
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Originally Posted by punkybrewster6k
Sent from my SCH-S720C using Tapatalk 2
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Punky: I really love your wire work. I had an idea once for a wire tree with beads as the leaves, but I don't have the tools to realise it yet.
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Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic
Since were sharing art here is my deviant art profile too...it's mostly photography but if you click on the folders on the side you can see some paintings...I haven't updated in a while though...
Sally599's deviantART Gallery |
I absolutely LOVE the peacock photo and the snowflakes on the primrose photo. I like taking nature pics using my iPhone, but I don't have many wildlife ones like you. Might look into a deviant art profile...
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Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster
I don't think my medications are working how they're supposed to. *sigh*
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Originally Posted by Cracking Slowly
Finally off work and it is Spring Break! Very much needed!
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YEY!
Enjoy your break!
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Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster
I've tried all kinds of different meds that just haven't worked the way they're supposed to. My pdoc has been asking me to consider clozapine because my quality of life is pretty poor because I'm just not responding to the meds like she hoped I would. I worry about it because it has that side effect that can kill you and I don't want that to happen. But when I was on haldol things were a lot better than they are now. I might just ask to switch back to that.
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Seriously the risk from clozapine is teeny and they give you weekly blood tests to ensure your safe. I wouldn't let that put you off if you need it, but def try the haldol again first if you want to
*Willow*