As I sit alone, I look to my left theres a mother playing with her kids. They look happy, Loved and not scared of themselves. I look to my Right, my family doing all these activities for church like i use to. Me , Im just lost in my own world felling sorry for myself not know half of what going on in my head these days. i fell so disconnected lately from, Life, Family, Friends, My Job and God. I Use to be a very happy funny person but now im drowning in my own sadness that shouldn't even be there. I want to feel normal again or t lest not scared of one day decided enough is enough and i kill myself dome how.

after my parents learned i cut they had me throw away the ones i was using and they ask for my to keep my bedroom door open most of the day and never for me to lock it. I feel that if i tell them im still cutting they will raid everything in my room and give me no space to breath and i really feel trapped and breathing does not come naturally to me anyway. HEY I STOPPED DRINKING FOR THEM NOW LOOK AT ME , I CANT EVEN HANDLE FEELING HAVE. SO WHAT NOW IF THEY TAKE MY CUTTING AWAY FROM ME TO.?