Back in hospital. Nurses are nicer to me this time, I guess because I am more of a brain dead zombie than a hysterical crying chic.

Body feels like lead, getting up is such an effort. They want me to change rooms at some stage but keep me on the high care ward. I dont want to unpack anything if I have to pack it all up again tomorrow. I feel very unsettled and obviously depressed.

I have a few suicide plans in here but Im kinda scared to tell the nurses... I worry they will transfer me to a locked ward and that would be worse than death. But Im supposed to tell them about these thoughts. Kinda stuck with what to do about that.

I havent told many people or my family I am here. Too brain dead to make conversation with friends anyway. It was hard enough over the last week trying to hold a conversation with my partner. He needs a good break from me, this will give him that chance. He turned up at my house at midnight last night as he was so worried about me and couldnt sleep without checking on me. I was so out of it I thought it was a dream but my neighbour assured me it was real as she heard the motorbike.

Hope the rest of you are doing better than me. Its hard to concentrate and read, I tend to read the same line over and over but to all that are struggling.